Flatnose
Captain Tarpals
Sloan
Gustav Hansfeld
Porthos
Piotr
Bryn
Sgt. Wyn Davies
Uncle Huw
Self - Narrator (voice)
BMW Man (as Steven Speirs)
Wormwood
Chief Armorer
Bernard Bresslaw
Morian
Tweed Suit (segment "Rosebud")
Peter Sims
PC McClintock
Mr Kent
McMartin's Doorman
Porter
Social worker
Quartermaster - Edinburgh (uncredited)
The Head
Harry the Horse
Taxi Driver
Don
Mystery Man
Darren Westcoate
Eric Jenkins
Bob
Gareth's Fan in Pub
Peter
DI Hooper
Herbie Bryant
Dullard
Barman
Commissioner Strickland / Sip Fel-Fotch Passameer-Day Slitheen
Leonard
Burbage
Tel
Arthur Evans
Bruce
Mr Barber
Davis
Keith Carter
Mitch
Syphilitic Mikhail
Steve